Do Something

Five months ago a vacation changed our lives.  My husband and I brought two girls home with us after visiting family in a different state.  The plan was to provide them with a vacation and show them more of the country.  After two and a half weeks it was decided that they would stay with us.  We could provide them with a loving home, three brothers, stability, a good education, and opportunities they had never had.

Deciding to add these two girls (ages 8 & 13) to our family was an easy decision for us; even the boys (ages 9, 11, & 13) agreed.  In the week leading up to this decision we prayed for these girls.  They had spent their lives being shuffled around and experiencing things that children should not experience.  Living with us was a new start for them.

The first few weeks were difficult.  Someone often went to bed crying, sometimes me.  We continue to have ups and downs.  We are beginning to experience the result of the difficult past the girls have had.  Everyone has sacrificed.  We know that the sacrifice we are making is providing these girls with a chance at a good life, even life itself.

As we see friends and family, meet new teachers, doctors, and other community members we have had to explain the situation many times.  Without telling people that the girls had a tough life they immediately infer that part of the story.  Kids don't get a legal guardian unless the parents are not fit to take care of the them.  Many people have been amazed at what we are doing.  We have heard many compliments.

"You guys are amazing."

"You are an inspiration."

"You guys have a special spot in heaven."

"Wow! You two are life savers."

"They are lucky to have you."

All of these people mean well and we appreciate their support.  However, we do not feel that we are amazing, inspirational, or anything extraordinary.  We did what needed to be done and we feel blessed that we are able to do this.

The girls are as good for us as we are for them.  Our oldest son has learned to talk to girls. All the kids have learned more about patience and compromise.  The boys have learned to be more thankful for their life.  I have learned how to share.  I used to be the only female in the house.  Now, my makeup gets used, my shoes disappear, and I'm running out of hair binders.  

When people ask my husband about this big change he often replies, "life was getting too easy."  Life is anything but easy now.  As we are learning new ways to parent we know that this is God's plan and He will help us through it.  

There are many children in the world that need help. We sponsor a child in India through World Vision. The war in Allepo is devastating to all and is harming children. I believe in helping all people, but in doing so some people forget about the ones that are the closest. Mother Teresa said, "Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home."  Children and families in the United States need help too. We are blessed to have many programs in place to help, but people are still falling through the cracks. People are still struggling.

"On any given day, there are approximately 415,000 children in foster care in the United States." (1) "About 15 million children in the United States – 21% of all children – live in families with incomes below the federal poverty threshold." (2) "More than 700,000 children are abused in the U.S annually." (3) Statistics can provide information, but until you know children in these situations you can not truly understand it.

At times we get frustrated by the comments about how amazing we are because we feel that everyone can do something. Not everyone can take in two new children, be foster parents, or donate large amounts of money or time. But, everyone can do something to help others. That's what this blog is about - Letting Your Light Shine! You may not be able to take in additional children, but you can do something!

Instead of admiring what we have done, find something that you can do. Here are some ideas:

• Offer to watch stressed out parents’ kids for the evening so that they can have a date night.

• Donate extra school supplies to a school, especially in January when supplies are getting low.

• Buy an extra book and give it to the school or clinic to give to a child that doesn't have any books at home.

• Purchase an extra pair of mittens or a hat and give it to the school for a child in need.

• Purchase extra underwear and socks for children and give them to the school.

• Ask for a list from teachers of what they need, or what students need.

• Volunteer at a school, shelter, daycare, or nursing home.  The people that work in these places are often overworked and could use help.

• Bring a meal to a family that is busy, or struggling.

• Pray for people - don't just say you will, actually do it.

• Invite a child that may not be friends with your child to your child's birthday party - it may be the only one they get to go to.

• Report child abuse and neglect - don't just "mind your own business."

Many of these things are simple, have little to no cost, and don't take a lot of time.   Many people give food to food shelves or donate toys during the holidays.  I challenge you to do something more in the new year, get out of your comfort zone and get creative.  Let Your Light Shine!

"Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:4-5

(1) 2014 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS)

(2) United States Census reports

(3) National Children's Alliance

Add Purple to the Pink

In addition to Breast Cancer Awareness October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  According to breastcancer.org an individual woman has a 1-in-8 chance of developing breast cancer over an 80-year lifespan.  The CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey  reports 1 in 5 women have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.  Domestic violence is more common than breast cancer.   


I am not saying that breast cancer should not get attention.  The research that has been funded by breast cancer awareness has benefited all forms of cancer.  My grandma passed away from complications of lung cancer, my cousin, great-aunt, and friend/colleague are survivors of breast cancer, and my four year old niece is in remission from leukemia.   My family has certainly been affected by cancer.   


My first draft of this post was full of data and statistics like these those above.  There are many, many more.  When my computer froze and all of the numbers and information was deleted I decided to take a different approach.  

Allow me to tell you a story.  

This is a story of a young woman who battled mental illness for years.  She was constantly picked on for being overweight.  She never had a boyfriend.  For a time she thought that she was a lesbian. This woman went through gastric bypass surgery and started a healthy life. She was working, and living on her own.  

One day, this woman met a man in an online chat room.  She thought that he was her Knight in Shining Armour.  She moved across the country to be with him, despite her family's warnings.  She kept in touch and slowly started sinking back into weight gain and major depression.  She and this man moved to another state to live with his father and daughter.  

This woman came home for the holidays one year and ended up checking into the mental health wing of a hospital. She called the man and he told her not to come back.  She was devastated, destroyed.  She rarely smiled for the next year.  

Next, she began to lose weight and exercise again, but it wasn't in a healthy manner.  Her family questioned her because they were concerned.  She decided that they didn't understand her and left a month earlier than planned to to go back and live with this man thousands of miles away from her family.  

The woman called her family, and kept in touch online.  But then it all ended, her phone was disconnected, her Facebook page was gone.  No one could find her.  The family prayed; hoping she would come back to them one day as she always had before.  

Then, the phone call came.  The call that changed everyone's life forever.  The man had shot this woman in the back of her neck.  She was paralyzed and in a coma.  No one knew if she would make it.  

The woman woke up, but couldn't move.  The family fought to get her back home for medical care. She came home, worked hard in rehab, and defied the odds.  She was walking again, with assistance.  But she wanted to walk independently, she wanted to run. Everyday she managed excruciating nerve pain from the bullet fragments that were too close to her spinal cord to remove.  

With time the family learned more about what had happened to this woman that they loved. Information relayed by the woman to her sisters was so horrible they could not repeat it. The woman had been controlled, and tortured both physically and mentally for a year.  The other people that lived in the house where this violence occurred ignored the cries; they ignored the signs. It was none of their business.  A doctor did not question her bruises, he just let her go back for more.  She had physical and mental scars that would never heal.  


One day another phone call came. This one would have no happy ending, no healing.  This call told the family that the woman had ended her life.  She couldn't bear his voices in her head any longer.  She couldn't bear the nerve pain one more day. The extreme domestic violence had overcome her, even with the man in jail thousands of miles away.  

This woman's name is Nicole, and she is my sister.  Her story of domestic violence is one of many.  I could fill this page with statistics, but you can google them as well as I can.  Instead of statistics remember Nicole.    

Remember her when you wonder why a woman doesn't just leave.  Remember her when you think you should mind your own business and not get involved.  Remember her when you think this couldn't possibly happen in your middle class white family.  Remember her when you think that no one you know has experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. Remember Nicole.   


Breast cancer awareness and research is important; but, we can not continue to ignore the problem of domestic violence and sexual assault.  We need to add purple to the pink in October.  We need to talk about the problem. People need to know the stories.  

Let Your Light Shine!  Wear purple, post in social media, offer help to someone in an abusive relationship without judgement, volunteer at or donate to a local domestic violence shelter.  Take a look at the awareness ideas at the following sites and Let Your Light Shine! 

       

Bullying, Mental Health and Suicide

Imagine being told to go kill yourself.  How would you react?  How long would that haunt your thoughts?  What if you already had those thoughts?  How much would these words hurt?

I recently learned that a girl told our thirteen year old daughter to go kill herself.  I was appalled that an eighth grader would say such a thing!  No one should say that to anyone!  In my teaching years I have heard that kids have said this to others before.  This time it hit home.  This time it was MY daughter.  I am still shocked and angered that young kids talk this way.  Do they understand the pain that this can cause?  Do they understand the long term scars that words can leave?  

It's ironic that this information came on the day that we did an activity about negative comments in one of my classes.  It has been said that it takes five positive comments to counteract one negative comment.  The San Joaquin County Office of Education put together several articles that refer to this ratio.  Today in one of my classes students were asked to volunteer to share a negative thought about themselves or their life.  When they did this they placed a quarter into a glass.  I then asked other students to take a nickle from my hand and give a positive comment to the student and then place the nickel in the glass.  This helped students to start thinking about changing their negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  

There have been copious news stories about kids that have been bullied and then attempt, or complete suicide.  The National Voices for Equality, Education, and Enlightenment site shared a statistic from the American Association of Suicidology that reported, "Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades." The Bullying Statistics site reported, "A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying and 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide."  

A fifty percent increase in suicide is unacceptable! I don't remember anyone ever telling someone to kill themselves when I was in school.  Bullying happened, but not to that extent.  It's no wonder that bullying is a larger issue now.  When my parents were in school bullying would end with a schoolyard fight and it was over.  Today teens are told to kill themselves and constantly bombarded with horrible message through technology.

Bullying is not only linked to suicide, but also to increased long term depression and anxiety. Bullying Statistics states, "Both bullies and their victims are more likely to suffer from depression than youth who are not involved in bullying. This connection can be long-lasting; people who are bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression as an adult than children not involved in bullying." 

With these staggering statistics we can not sit idly by and say that "kids will be kids."  I was bullied in school.  The worst situation is still a clear memory in my mind twenty-six years later.  I was also the captain of the cross-country, and track teams and cheerleading squad.  I was the editor of the school paper and yearbook.  I was the secretary of my class.  I was thin, athletic, and smart.  I was still bullied.  

My sister, Nicole, was bullied to the point that she no longer saw value in herself.  She was bullied in elementary, junior high, high school, college, and as an adult.  This all lead up to her vulnerability for an evil man to manipulate and control her.  She had no value in herself after all of the abuse and bullying that she took.  No amount of positives could make up for her negatives.  

If you know about a bully, whether a student, an adult in the workplace, or someone in an abusive relationship, stand up.  Let Your Light Shine in whatever way that you can.  Approach the situation, write a letter, or help the person being bullied. Wednesday, October 19 is Unity Day against bullying.  Wear orange, hang up a poster, post on social media.  Statistics clearly show that if we want to end suicide, and decrease mental illness we need to also end bullying.  To end bullying we must ALL Let Our Light Shine!    

Let's Talk About It

Death and grief is a difficult thing.  When you aren't allowed to talk about it, it's even more difficult. I see people post about their loved ones, and grief on Facebook.  I, on the other hand, struggle with posting.  I'm afraid that someone will think that it is inappropriate or that I shouldn't talk about my sister ending her life by suicide.  When we wrote the obituary and posted on Facebook we never mentioned suicide.  We aren't supposed to talk about that.

What would happen if a person got a large injury to their arm, but didn't talk about it, didn't ask for help?  Eventually that injury would get infected.  If the infection wasn't talked about it, the arm would have to be amputated.  The person would lose their arm.  Not talking about suicide and mental illness does the same thing, it makes it worse.

Some people think that talking about suicide idealizes it.  This is the same backward logic as saying that teaching sexuality education causes teens to have sex.  There is research to prove that the opposite is true.  If we are going to help people that are considering suicide we must talk about it.  Talking about suicide and mental illness will make it easier for people to ask for help.

Those that are struggling with mental illness don't ask for help because it's not acceptable to talk about suicide.  Often, people say that suicide is selfish.  Those that are considering it are worried about being chastised for considering this permanent act.  When they reach out to friends and loved ones they are worried about being judged and considered selfish, and attention seeking.

Suicidal thoughts and reaching out for help are selfish - the person is trying to get help for themselves.  It's also attention seeking - the person is asking for attention to their problem.  These are not bad things!  This is what we teach children to do, and remind adults to do.  We teach children to ask for help and talk about their problems, and we remind adults to do the same.  We must include suicidal thoughts, and mental illness in this.

September is Suicide Prevention Month and this week is World Suicide Prevention Week.  I'm going to shine my light by talking about suicide.  My sister, Nicole, ended her life by suicide on April 29, 2016.  She suffered from mental illness and was a survivor of domestic violence.  I struggle with depression and have had suicidal thoughts.  Please join me in talking about suicide and mental illness on social media with the hashtag  #letyourlightshine429

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18 NIV

Below is an excellent description of suicidal thoughts by Glennon Doyle Melton and suicide and mental health  resources.

I AM A LOVE WARRIOR AND SO I KEPT LIVING

Bigger & Better

As I gear up to start a new job, and a new school year my mom came to help me.  Mid-August is not only my busiest time of year, but also my husband's.  I am so thankful that my mom is often able to come and help out.  As I was discussing my new job with my mom last week I explained how I've finally accepted my calling.

 "Last year I was looking for something bigger, better.  I wanted to leave education or move up in some way.  But, as I interviewed and then accepted my new job I realized that I am a teacher.  This is what God has called me to do."

My mom looked at me and said, "What could be bigger or better than being a teacher?  I am so proud of you."

This simple comment changed my entire perspective.  I had previously considered becoming a special education director.  My husband and I struggled through this decision as he told me he did not think that I would enjoy that.  I was frustrated in the classroom and thought that the answer was to leave.  At the end of a very difficult school year last year I received many affirmations that I was a good teacher.  I had many comments from students and parents.  All of the frustrations and challenges were worth it when I learned that I made a difference for students.

This new perspective provided by my mom has helped me to realize that there is nothing bigger or better than what I am called to do.  I use my talents, affect lives, and let my light shine.  We all need to accept our calling with grace and gratitude.  Society tells us that being an executive is better than being a stay-at-home mom or dad.  It tell us that being a doctor is better than being a nurse.  It tells us that being a principal, or superintendent is better than being a teacher.  Society lies.

You must let your light shine in whatever you are called to do.  This is the only way that you will find joy in your career. It is the only way that our society can flourish.  When people want to have jobs that they think are valuable, or where they can make the most money they will be miserable.  These people will develop anxiety, depression, and may commit suicide.  The pressure to have an "important" job destroys people.  We wonder why workers in the United States are so stressed, the answer is that they are not letting their light shine.  They are punching in, they are running on the gerbil wheel, but they are not doing what they are passionate about.

Find your passion, then find a way to make money doing it.  This may not sound possible, but it's not as difficult as it seems.  When I talk to students about future careers I do not ask them what they want to be, I ask them what they want to do.  I know that my children's careers may not even exist yet.  I have had multiple jobs that I did not know existed when I went to college.

The other very important part of finding your passion is to experiment.  Job shadows are crucial for young people, even beginning in middle school.  Starting job shadows in the senior year is too late.  Job shadowing is a special education initiative, but it should be part of everyone's education.

Job shadows are not only important in school, but also for adults.  If you are considering a job change take a day to shadow someone in the job that you are considering.  When I looked at my director's job closer I realized that he spent most of his time in meetings and doing paper work.  My desire to be a special education director was to support teachers and help them be the best that they could be.  I realized that I could do that better by simply supporting my fellow teachers.

Accept what you are called to do, embrace it, and excel at it.  Then, you can truly LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE!          

Peace

The morning of July 3, 2016 was overcast with a light drizzle.  I awoke at 6:00 am to go for a run.  I grabbed a protein bar and got dressed as quietly as possible as to not wake anyone up.  I headed out of the cabin we were staying at in Kentucky and headed down the mountain.  The drive up was steep, and the walk down was tricky.  At the bottom I started my runkeeper app and started out.  The run was good, and there was little traffic. I mentally prepared myself for the longest run I had ever done.  In high school, I often ran up to five miles when I participated in track and cross country.  I had run two 10K races, which is 6.2 miles.  Until today I had never run 7 miles at one time.  But, here I was on the road in Kentucky, with no shoulder, running to one of my favorite spots from childhood.  Nada Tunnel was one of my favorite places to visit with my mom when we were younger.  Yesterday, when trying to find a trail in the Red River Gorge area, I decided to clock how far it was from the Nada Tunnel back to our cabin.  It was exactly 3.5 miles.  Round trip would be 7 miles.  This is the route I ran on this morning.  As I ran I thought about the events to come that day.  I enjoyed the run and it prepared me for the event to come.

On this morning we prepared to lay Nicole's ashes to rest in the family cemetery on the top of a mountain in southeastern Kentucky.

When I arrived back at the cabin from my run everyone was awake and preparing for the day.  We made salads for the picnic after the ceremony.  We got dressed and packed up.  We headed south to the family cemetery, an hour and a half away.

When we arrived some family was already there.  I greeted cousins I hadn't seen in years.  I introduced my family to those they had not met.  Soon, it was time to walk up the mountain to the cemetery.  I don't know whether to call these places mountains or really big hills. My mom, who grew up in Kentucky calls them mountains.  We are at the beginning of Appalachia, so I will call them mountains.

As we made our way up the mountain I went over the poem I had written so that I could get through it without sobbing.  We began the ceremony that I and my mom had worked on for weeks, trying to make it meaningful, but not too long.  There was some confusion about who was going to read what, and the last verse of Amazing Grace that I downloaded was not the same as the traditional hymn.  I read my poem, without completely melting down.  My brother placed the dirt over the box of ashes.

When the ceremony was complete the family began to walk back to the house.  My husband walked back with the boys.  I took a few pictures and then stood there.  I stood there with my mom, dad, brother, and sister and a feeling of peace came over me.  Nicole was finally at rest.  She was at rest below a shade tree on the top of the mountain.  I could see her watching over us all from up there.  We gathered the shovel and began to walk back to the house.  I looked at my mom and told her that I had a profound sense of peace.  She also felt it.  I had been praying for peace for all of us and now we had it.

Nicole's life was difficult.  It was full of emotional and physical pain.  Now she was resting.  She wasn't hurting.  She could watch us all from the mountain.  The peace brought us all closer.  I haven't cried as much since that day.  I still miss Nicole, I still talk to her, but I have some peace now; because she is at peace.

If you have suffered a loss, or you are suffering physically, or emotionally do something to find peace.  Write a letter, spend some time in nature, talk to someone, write your story, create a memorial, go to church, read the Bible, talk to God.  

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

What to Say

I want to provide suggestions regarding what to do and say to people after a tragic loss. I have been reading posts from well meaning people on a friend's wall after her son died in a tragic car crash.  Some of the posts just make me cringe.  I know all too well how some comments can actually have a negative effect on people.  

Do not tell someone that their loved one is "in a better place".  At one point after my sister's death it was comforting to think of her in a better place, meaning heaven.  Why don't people just say that?  He/She is in heaven.  Why do we say a better place?  While the thought of Nicole being in heaven was comforting at one point, by the end of the visitation I wanted to punch the next person to say that.  I pray that she is in heaven, but I want her here!  I know it's selfish.  Heaven is better than earth.  However, in the moment, all you want is for the person to be back in your life.  

I have read many posts that say RIP or the actual full words Rest In Peace.  This is not comforting.  It's horrifying. This is what is on headstones in old movies.  It means death.  Yes, I know the person has died, but when you are in the grief cycle, and cycling rapidly, often landing on bargaining and denial you do not want to see those words, and especially not the letters.  

It is a social norm to ask a person how they are doing when you greet them.  Do your best not to ask that question when a person has just tragically lost a loved one.  They will reply, "okay." or "I'm hanging in there."  When people asked me how I was doing I wanted to scream, "How the hell do you think I'm doing?!  "What kind of question is that?"  I wanted to tell people how not fine I was.  But, instead I responded with the typical, "I'm okay."  Even when I started to feel okay I felt guilty for being okay.  I felt like I should mourn for the rest of my life.   

I have asked people what I can do after a loss, or tragic news.  I now know that the question, "What can I do?" is not a good one to ask.  For weeks after my sister's death I could not think.  I certainly could not think about what I needed.  People dropping off food was great.  When we arrived at my parent's house their refrigerator was pretty empty.  By the end of the next day it was full.  It was great to not think about what to have for a meal.  We weren't picky at the time.  What ever was provided, we ate.  It was there and required no thinking, just reheating.  My mom would not have ate for the first few days if we had not been there.  Whenever my growing boys needed to eat we all sat down for a meal. We often sat for a long time after we finished eating, just discussing the next steps or reminiscing.  This being said, sometimes gift cards are better; they don't go bad and require no clean up.  It really depends on the family, just ask.  

Instead of asking, "What can I do?", tell them what you will do.  It seems pushy, but the family has enough to think about.  I thought my head was going to explode planning the funeral and all of the decisions that had to be made.  I'm glad that my sister, brother and I were there to help our parents.  Funeral arrangements are very overwhelming.  Tell the person/family, "I'll come over and mow the lawn." or "I'll stop by and tidy up your house."  Offer to take young children and do something fun with them.  I greatly appreciated a friend who simply said "I'm coming over and taking you out."  I have a friend that I knew I could call and ask her to come over and she'd come.  I asked another friend that I worked with to call our boss, because I simply couldn't.  

      

If an obituary says "In lieu of flowers..." please honor that request.  Flowers are nice, but they too die.  If you must send flowers, send a plant that can be kept or replanted outside.  If the death is a suicide money is needed to cover funeral costs.  I can't believe how expensive a funeral and all of the arrangements are.  Thankfully, a co-worker asked me if we wanted flowers or money.  I was honest and told her money, there was no life insurance.  They were very generous.       

Sharing memories is a great way to mourn with someone.  At my sister's visitation a former roommate made a long drive to attend.  He told us that he would never forget her laugh.  This made me sob uncontrollably, but it was also comforting.  People will remember her.  A former teacher and coach shared some fun memories that made us laugh.  Memories are comforting, even when they cause people to cry.  It was touching and supportive when family and friends came from over an hour away to be with us, to offer their support, and to enjoy the pictures we had out.     

The people that I appreciated the most would simply say, "I don't know what to say. I am so sorry." and give me a hug.  That's what I really wanted.  I wanted other people to be as confused and without words as I was.  In the past when I faced a loss, I would write a poem, or simply write.  This time I had nothing.  I had nothing to say, nothing to write.  When I read what I posted on Facebook to share her passing I cringe.  I don't like how it reads now.  At the time it's all I could muster. I desperately wanted to write a beautiful eulogy or poem.  I couldn't do it.  The words would not come.  There is something comforting in knowing that others are also without words.  

Hug or, or don't hug.  Some people want hugs all day.  Others get sick of people touching them and just need to be left alone for awhile.  My husband was my rock through the loss of my sister.  He was always right by my side.  Most of the time I was snuggled up to his side.  But, there were times when I just needed to have space.  If someone is standing outside, stand near them, but give them space.  They are probably trying to get air.  After my sister's funeral I bolted outside.  I felt suffocated in the church and just needed some air and some space.  My friend said after she lost her mother she had to take a shower when she got home from the visitation because too many people touched her.  Everyone is different.  When in doubt, ask.   

Know that the person who lost a loved one will go through the grief cycle many times.  I cycled through so many times, I lost count.  I went from anger to bargaining to depression in the matter of an hour.  Some people get stuck in one stage.  Let the person grieve.  If they get stuck help them to see it and get out of it.  Saying, "You're stuck in the anger stage.  You need to let the anger go." will not help.  Instead say, "You seem to be angry.  Do you want to talk about it?"  Then, listen, even if it's scary, listen.  Talking about the anger may be all the person needs to let go of it.  This is the same for any stage of grief.

Don't be afraid to just sit with someone. Sometimes they will want to talk about the loss, sometimes they will want to talk about anything but.  Let them lead, give them hugs, just be there.  Do not use cliches such as:

"Time heals."  At the moment it feels like it will never get better.  There will always be the loss.  The person just needs to slowly get back to life.

"Just stay busy."  This is actually bad advice.  I had no choice but to stay busy, and this lead to not being able to process.  It took me talking to a counselor and talking through the entire story to actually process everything.  

"Everything happens for a reason."  While this may be true, it is not helpful to hear at the time.  The reason cannot be seen in the midst of grief.  It may be visible later, but it is not in the moment, and this statement is just maddening.  

"God only gives you what you can handle."  At the time the person doesn't know if they can handle the loss.  They take it day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute.  Instead, tell the person you will pray for them.  You will pray for peace, and strength.  Then, do it.  Don't just pay lip service to praying, actually do it.  Prayers create healing.  

Let Your Light Shine!

This blog is dedicated to the memory of my sister, Nicole.  Nicole had a bright light to shine, but it was dimmed too soon.  Nicole had a way of laughing that made everyone else laugh.  She was passionate and had a big heart.  Nicole had so much to give, but she got stuck in mental illness, and domestic violence.  On April 29, 2016 she could no longer see any light and she ended her life.

This blog will provide motivation and encouragement to Let Your Light Shine.  Everyone has light to shine for others.  Each person needs to find the best way to shine their light.  When your light begins to dim you need to recharge your own light in order to continue to shine.  Those who can no longer recharge their light and find themselves in unending darkness need the light of others even more.  

Those that are experiencing mental illness, domestic violence, and suicidal thoughts still have light to shine.  If all people will let their light shine we can make this world a better place.  We can provide more support for people with mental illness, end domestic violence, and help those that are feeling suicidal to continue life.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16 KJV

Let Your Light Shine

So much to give, so much to share

Her laugh, her smile, her heart was so big

Her light was taken much too soon

The darkness came in and would not go

She tried so hard, but suffered much

Her light was dimmed by forces unknown

Though the darkness creeps in

Let Your Light Shine

When the times get tough

Let Your Light Shine

Let Nicole’s light not go out in vain

Let Your Light Shine to all

Michelle Uetz