In addition to Breast Cancer Awareness October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. According to breastcancer.org an individual woman has a 1-in-8 chance of developing breast cancer over an 80-year lifespan. The CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey reports 1 in 5 women have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence is more common than breast cancer.
I am not saying that breast cancer should not get attention. The research that has been funded by breast cancer awareness has benefited all forms of cancer. My grandma passed away from complications of lung cancer, my cousin, great-aunt, and friend/colleague are survivors of breast cancer, and my four year old niece is in remission from leukemia. My family has certainly been affected by cancer.
My first draft of this post was full of data and statistics like these those above. There are many, many more. When my computer froze and all of the numbers and information was deleted I decided to take a different approach.
Allow me to tell you a story.
This is a story of a young woman who battled mental illness for years. She was constantly picked on for being overweight. She never had a boyfriend. For a time she thought that she was a lesbian. This woman went through gastric bypass surgery and started a healthy life. She was working, and living on her own.
One day, this woman met a man in an online chat room. She thought that he was her Knight in Shining Armour. She moved across the country to be with him, despite her family's warnings. She kept in touch and slowly started sinking back into weight gain and major depression. She and this man moved to another state to live with his father and daughter.
This woman came home for the holidays one year and ended up checking into the mental health wing of a hospital. She called the man and he told her not to come back. She was devastated, destroyed. She rarely smiled for the next year.
Next, she began to lose weight and exercise again, but it wasn't in a healthy manner. Her family questioned her because they were concerned. She decided that they didn't understand her and left a month earlier than planned to to go back and live with this man thousands of miles away from her family.
The woman called her family, and kept in touch online. But then it all ended, her phone was disconnected, her Facebook page was gone. No one could find her. The family prayed; hoping she would come back to them one day as she always had before.
Then, the phone call came. The call that changed everyone's life forever. The man had shot this woman in the back of her neck. She was paralyzed and in a coma. No one knew if she would make it.
The woman woke up, but couldn't move. The family fought to get her back home for medical care. She came home, worked hard in rehab, and defied the odds. She was walking again, with assistance. But she wanted to walk independently, she wanted to run. Everyday she managed excruciating nerve pain from the bullet fragments that were too close to her spinal cord to remove.
With time the family learned more about what had happened to this woman that they loved. Information relayed by the woman to her sisters was so horrible they could not repeat it. The woman had been controlled, and tortured both physically and mentally for a year. The other people that lived in the house where this violence occurred ignored the cries; they ignored the signs. It was none of their business. A doctor did not question her bruises, he just let her go back for more. She had physical and mental scars that would never heal.
One day another phone call came. This one would have no happy ending, no healing. This call told the family that the woman had ended her life. She couldn't bear his voices in her head any longer. She couldn't bear the nerve pain one more day. The extreme domestic violence had overcome her, even with the man in jail thousands of miles away.
This woman's name is Nicole, and she is my sister. Her story of domestic violence is one of many. I could fill this page with statistics, but you can google them as well as I can. Instead of statistics remember Nicole.
Remember her when you wonder why a woman doesn't just leave. Remember her when you think you should mind your own business and not get involved. Remember her when you think this couldn't possibly happen in your middle class white family. Remember her when you think that no one you know has experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. Remember Nicole.
Breast cancer awareness and research is important; but, we can not continue to ignore the problem of domestic violence and sexual assault. We need to add purple to the pink in October. We need to talk about the problem. People need to know the stories.
Let Your Light Shine! Wear purple, post in social media, offer help to someone in an abusive relationship without judgement, volunteer at or donate to a local domestic violence shelter. Take a look at the awareness ideas at the following sites and Let Your Light Shine!
I am not saying that breast cancer should not get attention. The research that has been funded by breast cancer awareness has benefited all forms of cancer. My grandma passed away from complications of lung cancer, my cousin, great-aunt, and friend/colleague are survivors of breast cancer, and my four year old niece is in remission from leukemia. My family has certainly been affected by cancer.
My first draft of this post was full of data and statistics like these those above. There are many, many more. When my computer froze and all of the numbers and information was deleted I decided to take a different approach.
Allow me to tell you a story.
This is a story of a young woman who battled mental illness for years. She was constantly picked on for being overweight. She never had a boyfriend. For a time she thought that she was a lesbian. This woman went through gastric bypass surgery and started a healthy life. She was working, and living on her own.
One day, this woman met a man in an online chat room. She thought that he was her Knight in Shining Armour. She moved across the country to be with him, despite her family's warnings. She kept in touch and slowly started sinking back into weight gain and major depression. She and this man moved to another state to live with his father and daughter.
This woman came home for the holidays one year and ended up checking into the mental health wing of a hospital. She called the man and he told her not to come back. She was devastated, destroyed. She rarely smiled for the next year.
Next, she began to lose weight and exercise again, but it wasn't in a healthy manner. Her family questioned her because they were concerned. She decided that they didn't understand her and left a month earlier than planned to to go back and live with this man thousands of miles away from her family.
The woman called her family, and kept in touch online. But then it all ended, her phone was disconnected, her Facebook page was gone. No one could find her. The family prayed; hoping she would come back to them one day as she always had before.
Then, the phone call came. The call that changed everyone's life forever. The man had shot this woman in the back of her neck. She was paralyzed and in a coma. No one knew if she would make it.
With time the family learned more about what had happened to this woman that they loved. Information relayed by the woman to her sisters was so horrible they could not repeat it. The woman had been controlled, and tortured both physically and mentally for a year. The other people that lived in the house where this violence occurred ignored the cries; they ignored the signs. It was none of their business. A doctor did not question her bruises, he just let her go back for more. She had physical and mental scars that would never heal.
One day another phone call came. This one would have no happy ending, no healing. This call told the family that the woman had ended her life. She couldn't bear his voices in her head any longer. She couldn't bear the nerve pain one more day. The extreme domestic violence had overcome her, even with the man in jail thousands of miles away.
This woman's name is Nicole, and she is my sister. Her story of domestic violence is one of many. I could fill this page with statistics, but you can google them as well as I can. Instead of statistics remember Nicole.
Remember her when you wonder why a woman doesn't just leave. Remember her when you think you should mind your own business and not get involved. Remember her when you think this couldn't possibly happen in your middle class white family. Remember her when you think that no one you know has experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. Remember Nicole.
Breast cancer awareness and research is important; but, we can not continue to ignore the problem of domestic violence and sexual assault. We need to add purple to the pink in October. We need to talk about the problem. People need to know the stories.
Let Your Light Shine! Wear purple, post in social media, offer help to someone in an abusive relationship without judgement, volunteer at or donate to a local domestic violence shelter. Take a look at the awareness ideas at the following sites and Let Your Light Shine!
Well written and so much love for you on sharing Nicole's story.
ReplyDelete