Talking About Suicide With Children

Last night everyone in our school district received an automated phone call from the Superintendent.  The phone call brought me to tears, it would have at any time, but even more so as April 29 is quickly approaching.  April 29 will be the two year mark of my sister's suicide.  Last nigh, the call informed our small community, who were already talking about it, that a sixth grade girl passed away in the school yesterday afternoon.  That is the only information we received, but the word had made it around our community, this child ended her life.  The details were not clear, nor did they matter; the tragedy occurred.

Talk to your kids!  Think they're too young?  Think of the sixth grader who ended her life, your child is not too young.  Not sure what to say?  Here are some tips:

• "If you are ever thinking that you would be better off dead, please talk to us.  We will get you the help you need," (this may be a therapist, medication, support from you, or in extreme cases, hospitalization).
• "If you feel like there is no hope, that things will never get better or change, talk to us.  We will listen."  
• "I will listen to any problem you have, I will take you seriously, and you will not be in trouble."
• Practice problem solving with your child and discuss options. 
• Talk about the future and set goals with your child; talk about them often.
• Listen to what your child is not saying: sleeping more or less than normal, getting rid of things, seeing nothing positive in life, drawings of death or darkness, any big change in the child's behavior.  While changes are normal in adolescence and pre-adolescence, have a discussion with your child.  
• Search your child's phone and social media history, looking for bullying or suicidal threats.
• Always take suicidal threats seriously.
• Talk about what suicide is: it is permanent, it is devastating to those who are left behind, it is a permanent end to a temporary problem.
• Put the National Suicide Hotline on your fridge and in your child's phone: 1-800-273-8255. 
• Leave the stigma behind:
• Suicide is not selfish - those who commit suicide truly believe that they are helping others by ending their life, they will no longer be a burden, their loved ones will not have to deal with their issues. 
• Suicide is not for cowards - it takes an incredible amount of courage to end one's life, it's not an easy thing to do.
• Suicide is not a sin - judgment is.
• Suicidal thoughts and attempts are not just for attention -the person needs help. 

It's easy to let your teen or pre-teen go to their room and do their own thing, the independence can be nice after years of constant supervision.  But, remember to talk to your teen/pre-teen, even when he/she does not want to.  Make sure your child knows that they can talk to you when they need to.

And, even if you do all of these things the unthinkable can still happen.  If it does, don't blame yourself, and find support.

The most important thing to do is, LISTEN!  Listen to everyone!  Let Your Light SHINE - Listen to your child, listen to others.

You can find more resources and support here:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-and-Young-Adults
https://afsp.org/find-support/